he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
