That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize