If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
