If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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