So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
