guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
