I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
