remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
