he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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