If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
