so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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