im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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