just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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