you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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