don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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