you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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