At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
