You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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