I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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