she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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