lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
