I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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