i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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