I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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