So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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