my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
