I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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