get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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