I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hippo gnu deer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
