Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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