I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have fence marks all over my body
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
