the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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