tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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