my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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