Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
