No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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