I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
