oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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