I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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