Welp...herpes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
