i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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