brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
