my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
