the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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