there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
