Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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