Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
