Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
