i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have tasted many bathrooms
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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