We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
