Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
