my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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