just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
