hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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