I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
