hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
