she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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