Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
