i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
