someone threw a dead crab at me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
