hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
