I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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