I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
