My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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