I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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